I, the Athiest

“I contend we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods , you will understand why I dismiss yours.” – Stephen F Roberts

Yes, I am an atheist (gasp). I know what you’re thinking and no; I am not cruel, heartless or evil. I do not cheat. I am not a liar. I am happily married and am faithful. I do not drink or use drugs. I am kind, polite and thoughtful. Someone of which any Christian would approve. That is until they find out I don’t believe in god (s).

As a matter of fact, I used to be one of them. I was raised by Christian parents. I went to church regularly and even decided, on my own, to be baptized at the age of 16.

When I was in high school I was very active in a Christian youth organization. I’ve read my Bible cover to cover more than once. I taught Sunday school and eventually became the youth director at my church. I even attended Ashland Theology for graduate school. I’ve read Mere Christianity, More than a Carpenter and both Evidence that Demands a Verdict. No one could possibly claim that I was not educated or made aware of god, Jesus, the Bible or anything thereof.

Yet here I am a nonbeliever. I’m the type that really drives them crazy. They can’t say I was just never exposed to it or never got the chance to “see the light”. I’ve been there and walked away. It wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen over night. It wasn’t a matter of things not going my way so I stopped believing. My life didn’t get out of control and I was afraid to ask forgiveness. Nothing that a Christian could find “understandable”. I literally thought about it, considered it carefully, I did pray about it, I talked to my minister and other members of my church, and I read my Bible again to find the answers I needed. The simple fact was I couldn’t find enough of a reason to continue to believe and no, faith wasn’t going to conveniently replace my need for truth.

There are many times that I have even thought how much easier it would be if I could just convince myself to believe again. To have the comfort of believing that I will see my dad again, that there is a purpose behind everything, that there is an invisible man in the sky taking care of me but I just can’t.

It was no small thing for me to let go of god and I strongly resent anyone who thinks that I am somehow “lost” or “confused”. I feel as though I have never seen more clearly than I am now. My eyes have truly been opened.

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