So being patient has never really been my strongest personal quality, especially with myself. Waiting, for some reason, has always been just completely unbearable for me. Being the strong type-A personality not being able to pick up something easily as often lead to me quickly giving up. To be honest, I have never been this bad at something for this long without quitting.
Actually the most amazing thing is that I haven’t pulled a Pete Townshend on the Smothers Brothers and started beating my guitar on the ground. (How was that for a reference beyond my years?) I haven’t even considered destroying it once. That may only be impressive to the people that really know me. But for everyone else; trust me that’s saying something.
I’m not sure if it’s because of my age and there has been some great shift in my personality but I am perfectly fine with the border-line stagnate pace of my learning the guitar. For some reason, for the first time in my life I am more focused on enjoying the process than rushing to the end. I feel like a bird being distracted by a shining object. I do think that part of it could be that I have become much more comfortable with myself as a person in general. I no longer feel the constant need for approval from others so I don’t care how crappy I still am; I think it’s fun and I don’t want to stop. I’m that kid in the school choir just singing away at the top of their lungs completely unaware of how loud or how awful they sound. They’re having a great time and the rest of the world can kiss it.
So many people in my life have spat words at me like, “stubborn”, “hard-headed”, “obstinate” and “devastatingly beautiful”. Ok, maybe not that last one, although… would it kill you? But I digress. While certainly they weren’t meant to be compliments now I look back and see that they were (at least that’s how I now chose to take them). If you look up stubborn in the dictionary it says, “persistent and determined”. I’ve never thought of myself that way before. I’ve alway just accepted insults as insults. But now I see that insults are only insult if you allow them to be. I’ve chosen to be proud that people are calling me determined. And one of the key components to determination must be an abundance of patience. So here I am, 31 years old and for the first time in my life…I’m being patient.
***I bow, while you applaud***