There’s my dad; sound asleep. I was given strict instructions not to let him miss the show we were watching together. So I yell, “Dad!”
His eye snap open as his head jerks my direction, “Whaaaa?” Freshly awaken people can’t annunciate very well.
“You were sleeping.” People hate admitting that they were asleep. I never understood this. It’s not like sleeping isn’t a natural function. You eat, you breathe, and you sleep. People just won’t face this.
Anyway, of course, being human, my dad denies he was asleep. I sat right here and watched him sleep, now he’s denying it all. How do I know he was asleep? Because I was awake and watching.
Well, I’m not going to stand for this injustice.
“Yes, you were.”
“I was resting my eye.” Now that’s crap. Resting his eyes? How exactally does one go about resting one’s eyes? Does one take them out of his skull and all them time off? That’s not what my dad was doing. He was sleeping, full force too; snoring breathing rapidly, the whole bit. There’s no doubt. He was asleep. Yet, I can see we’re going to fight about this. Another good way to totally waste time.
“You were asleep, wake up.” I’m no longer looking for a confession. I just want this hard-headed, eye rester, refuses to admit to guilt when sleeping, man to wake up. But no, we must battle out if he was sleeping or not. Which, he clearly was (in case I didn’t make that obvious by now). So the fight continues; ding, round two begins:
“I was not asleep.”
“Fine, wake up.”
“Wake up? I wasn’t sleeping.”
“Yea, ok, whatever.”
“I believe you.” I didn’t. But, now that we’ve both missed half of the show already, it no longer matters. I’m just trying to shut him up. Not working.
“Why do you think I was sleeping?”
Duh, I don’t know your lack of conscientiousness, “I didn’t.”
“Then, why’d you say ‘Wake up.’?”
Ok, that’s it! I’m going to blow. It’s to the point now that no one cares if he was asleep. Now, it’s some strange obessioin in his own mind. Somehow, as a very young child instead of being told not to cry, he was told not to sleep. So, we sit here and fight over if he was sleeping, the whole time missing the show…that he almost slept through, might I add.
“You know, Dad, I’m not sure why I said that.” I’m now trying anything to shut him up.
“Yes, you are. Why’d you say that?” So a grown man, my idol is really going to continue to argue over whether or not he fell asleep in a recliner while watching TV.
“I’m serious, I admit it. You weren’t sleeping. You were resting your eyes. Now let’s watch the show…and don’t fall asleep again.”
He slightly growls in my direction and turns back to the TV. I think he knows he was sleeping.